How to Deal With Grief
Grief is the normal response of sorrow, emotion, and confusion that comes from
losing someone or something important to you. It is a natural part of life.
Grief is a typical reaction to death, divorce, job loss, a move away from family
and friends, or loss of good health due to illness.
Just after a death or loss, you may feel empty and numb, as if you are in shock.
You may notice physical changes such as trembling, nausea, trouble breathing,
muscle weakness, dry mouth, or trouble sleeping and eating.
You may become angry - at a situation, a particular person, or just angry in
general. Almost everyone in grief also experiences guilt. Guilt is often expressed
as "I could have, I should have, and I wish I would have" statements.
People in grief may have strange dreams or nightmares, be absent-minded, withdraw
socially, or lack the desire to return to work. While these feelings and behaviors
are normal during grief, they will pass.
How long does grief last?
Grief lasts as long as it takes you to accept and learn to live with your loss.
For some people, grief lasts a few months. For others, grieving may take years.
The length of time spent grieving is different for each person. There are many
reasons for the differences, including personality, health, coping style, culture,
family background, and life experiences. The time spent grieving also depends
on your relationship with the person lost and how prepared you were for the loss.
The four-step grieving process:
- Accept the loss;
- Work through and feel the physical
and emotional pain of grief;
- Adjust to living in a
world without the person or item lost; and
- Move on
with life.
How does grief differ from depression?
Depression
is more than a feeling of grief after losing someone
or something you love. Clinical
depression is a whole body disorder. It can take
over the
way you think and feel. Symptoms of depression include:
- A
sad, anxious, or "empty" mood that won't
go away;
- Loss of interest in what you used to enjoy;
- Low energy, fatigue, feeling "slowed down;"
- Changes
in sleep patterns;
- Loss of appetite, weight loss,
or weight gain;
- Trouble concentrating, remembering,
or making decisions;
- Feeling hopeless or gloomy;
- Feeling guilty, worthless,
or helpless;
- Thoughts of death or suicide or a suicide
attempt; and
- Recurring aches and pains that don't
respond to treatment.
If you recently experienced a
death or other loss, these feelings may be part of
a normal grief reaction.
But if
these feelings persist with no lifting mood, ask for help.
Where can I find help?
The following list
of organizations and web sites provides information and
support for coping with grief:
The Compassionate Friends (national office)
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
630-990-0010; Toll Free 877-9690010
http://www.compassionatefriends.org
A national, self-help support organization
for those grieving the loss of a child or sibling.
Fernside
Bethesda Professional Building
4360 Cooper Road, Suite 101
Cincinnati, OH 45242
513-745-0111 (M - F 9:30 am - 4:30 pm EST)
http://www.fernside.org
Grief information, resources, and support for grieving children and their
families.
RENEW: Center for Personal Recovery
P.O. Box 125
Berea, KY 40403
859-986-7878
http://www.renew.net
A grief counseling center for individuals and families that are experiencing
loss, with a specialty in grief recovery counseling for traumatic deaths.
Online Resources
GriefNet
http://www.griefnet.org/
A web site that provides information and resources related to death,
dying, bereavement, and major emotional and physical losses.
Growth House, Inc.
http://www.growthhouse.org
A source of quality information and resources on death and dying issues.
Transformations
http://www.transformations.com
A web site about self-help, support, and recovery issues.
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